Chainsaw Cop Corpse edition by Wolvriey Alan Gandy Literature Fiction eBooks
Download As PDF : Chainsaw Cop Corpse edition by Wolvriey Alan Gandy Literature Fiction eBooks 
Simon is having a BAD week. When you’re a D.C. Detective, every week is a bad week, but this week has been a BAD week.
For starters, some psychopath has been murdering people, stealing their body parts and smearing their corpses with peanut butter.
To make matters worse, the contract killer “Boots” has recently resurfaced, and his girlfriend’s chainsaw arm destroyed his bed when he made her climax.
To top it all off, he’s been peeing random body parts for days. Ears, fingers, toes… And if that weren’t bad enough, now he really has to take a dump!
Chainsaw Cop Corpse edition by Wolvriey Alan Gandy Literature Fiction eBooks
When I realized that Wol-vriey's bizarro "Chainsaw Cop Corpse" takes place in a futuristic world dominated by women, I thought to myself that this book actually might be too bizarre for my taste. How Wol-vriey could possibly come up with such a far-fetched fanciful idea boggles my male-oriented mind. But I knew, if anyone could pull off such an unlikely plot theme, it would be Wol-vriey."Chainsaw Cop Corpse" is set in a familiar-sounding futuristic city named Neo DC, unless the characters can find a 4D television set to crawl through and suddenly appear wherever the travel disc in the DVD player directs them. The city is run by women, while the few men in town are relegated to stud service, visiting specific women on specific days (sorta like Mormon polygamy, but without the patriarchy).
The exception to the rule is main character Simon Rush, the sole male homicide detective working out of DC Police Force Headquarters. He is in love with fellow detective Alice Dread, whose ugly deformities and uglier predisposition make her incapable of love. But that arrangement suits Simon and Alice just fine, since their monogamous relationship allows both to avoid the hassle of scheduling weekly sexual liaisons like most of the population has to endure.
Plus, Simon is an unwilling, unrequited, uncloseted transsexual. Simon definitely has the proverbial "woman inside" that is trying desperately to get out. Unfortunately, the female inside of Simon is named Misogyny and she is determined to vacate the sanctuary of Simon's body, piece-by-piece, through whatever orifice is available. Once her expelled parts are reassembled and reanimated, Misogyny announces that she represents Simon's hatred for women - and Simon angrily responds by unanimating her.
Unfettered from his self-proclaimed hatred of women, Detective Simon then resumes his search for a slippery androgynoustic murderess who likes stealing her victims' legs. Simon soon discovers that the murderess is being kept alive by a mystic life-affirming urn of ashes, which has been surgically inserted into the woman's chest. The ashes were from a sexually-abused incest victim named Kimberly Welch who had died from choking on her own vomit while incarcerated in an insane asylum.
Without giving too much away, and believe me I'm not, but guess who ends up living once again with the remains of another female body inside of him? Just get a sex change already Simon and stop with the metaphors!
In conclusion, "Chainsaw Cop Corpse" is a crime novel like no other you have ever read - or are likely to read, unless you pick up some of the other bizarro novels by Wol-vriey (he has a great new zombie book out called "Vegan Zombie Apocalypse"). Wol-vriey has said that he writes to make the Weird and Warped Readably Realistic - and he pulls it off valiantly with "Chainsaw Cop Corpse."
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Chainsaw Cop Corpse edition by Wolvriey Alan Gandy Literature Fiction eBooks Reviews
When Wol-vriey contacted me and asked if I'd be interested in reading his book, 'Vegan Zombie Apocalypse', I said, "Great! It sounds like the perfect Valentine's Day read."
He quickly shot back, "No, no! Don't read that for Valentine's! 'Chainsaw Cop Corpse' is MUCH more romantic!"
And INDEED it was! A tale as old as time, about a cop and his undying love for a gal with a chainsaw arm. Throw in a woman who turns into a shark and a villain who is an 8 foot tall mountain of footwear with FLESH DISSOLVING FEET, and it's hearts and flowers all the way, baby!
"Simon sped his airsheep through DC, tracing the route downtown.
The sheep was a 2-muttonpower model, specially bred for police and military use. It was larger than an everyday sheep, could float higher, and carried more weight. Though flesh and blood, the airsheep was part android-modified. Its horns had been replaced with handlebars, and a control panel between them fed direction impulses directly into its brain.
The airsheep bleated meekly as it flew. Occasionally it s*** turds in a green spray over the road."
Seriously? Airsheep?
How the hell does he come up with these ideas?
Anyway, Neo DC - Destroyed City, hovers ten meters over the ruins of old DC. Huge crabs patrol the surface. A chronic man-shortage leaves the remaining guys rationed out as "rotational husbands," or MAN love toys. There's a lot of frustrated ladies to satisfy, but don't worry, fellas; you get one day off a week to rest.
Now, someone is leaving the upper halves of corpses, smeared with peanut butter. (Choosy murderers choose Jif!) Simon, his ladylove and a nearly all-female police department will need all the muttonpower they can muster to solve this one.
In addition to being almost PAINFULLY IMAGINATIVE, Wol-vriey's book is bursting with an abundance of strong female characters, both good and evil, from a pair of stop-at-nothing assassins to Alice Dread, the police officer with the chainsaw arm, whose beauty is marred by massive scars that could be corrected by surgery...but she chooses to keep them.
And in the end, the wrong shall fail, the right prevail, though in stranger ways than you ever imagined.. and yes, true love conquers all, once again, in STRANGER WAYS than you ever imagined.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have this weird craving for a peanut butter sandwich...
Interesting concept. Not the sort of book I would normally read but I had to finish it to find out what happens. The plot is very novel and will appeal to thse readers with a need for a different view of life. The tale tended to bounce around a bit but is still an enjoyable read.
Violent, pornographic, and inelegant prose paint an absurd, and sometimes hilarious story, featuring...well, the story has so many mind bending upside-down twists and turns, a synopsis isn't easy.
I found myself turning back chapters saying to myself, "So, the mermaid is made of peanut butter?" "That thing *shoots* crocodiles?...It's important to pay attention.
As always with Wol-vriey it's fun and explaining his stories to friends will generally get a 'Whoa' reaction.
Surreal, fun, and unforgettable. Loved it!
The plot was a bit all over. Not sure what the body part urination really had to do with anything, but I couldn't stop reading. Wol-Vriey is creative and entertaining. You won't find A Tale of Two Cities here, but you'll find something. Very weird, always entertaining, despite the plot going all over. 3.5 Stars upped to far for all the bat $hit crazy stuff going on in this book.
When I realized that Wol-vriey's bizarro "Chainsaw Cop Corpse" takes place in a futuristic world dominated by women, I thought to myself that this book actually might be too bizarre for my taste. How Wol-vriey could possibly come up with such a far-fetched fanciful idea boggles my male-oriented mind. But I knew, if anyone could pull off such an unlikely plot theme, it would be Wol-vriey.
"Chainsaw Cop Corpse" is set in a familiar-sounding futuristic city named Neo DC, unless the characters can find a 4D television set to crawl through and suddenly appear wherever the travel disc in the DVD player directs them. The city is run by women, while the few men in town are relegated to stud service, visiting specific women on specific days (sorta like Mormon polygamy, but without the patriarchy).
The exception to the rule is main character Simon Rush, the sole male homicide detective working out of DC Police Force Headquarters. He is in love with fellow detective Alice Dread, whose ugly deformities and uglier predisposition make her incapable of love. But that arrangement suits Simon and Alice just fine, since their monogamous relationship allows both to avoid the hassle of scheduling weekly sexual liaisons like most of the population has to endure.
Plus, Simon is an unwilling, unrequited, uncloseted transsexual. Simon definitely has the proverbial "woman inside" that is trying desperately to get out. Unfortunately, the female inside of Simon is named Misogyny and she is determined to vacate the sanctuary of Simon's body, piece-by-piece, through whatever orifice is available. Once her expelled parts are reassembled and reanimated, Misogyny announces that she represents Simon's hatred for women - and Simon angrily responds by unanimating her.
Unfettered from his self-proclaimed hatred of women, Detective Simon then resumes his search for a slippery androgynoustic murderess who likes stealing her victims' legs. Simon soon discovers that the murderess is being kept alive by a mystic life-affirming urn of ashes, which has been surgically inserted into the woman's chest. The ashes were from a sexually-abused incest victim named Kimberly Welch who had died from choking on her own vomit while incarcerated in an insane asylum.
Without giving too much away, and believe me I'm not, but guess who ends up living once again with the remains of another female body inside of him? Just get a sex change already Simon and stop with the metaphors!
In conclusion, "Chainsaw Cop Corpse" is a crime novel like no other you have ever read - or are likely to read, unless you pick up some of the other bizarro novels by Wol-vriey (he has a great new zombie book out called "Vegan Zombie Apocalypse"). Wol-vriey has said that he writes to make the Weird and Warped Readably Realistic - and he pulls it off valiantly with "Chainsaw Cop Corpse."
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